Being Abnormally Designed


The rain drenched every inch of my body. As I took a moment to turn my head all around me, I found that locating coverage was out of the question. In other words, I was stranded. As much as it poured down and pursued to make me feel heavier, I continued on a diligent path. It was a cloud above me filled with madness. But saying that I am stuck in a cloud of madness is an understatement. Eventually it became more like an infinite tidal wave that had already managed to fill my lungs to the very brim before I knew it. I’ve been gasping for what hopefully may be that first breath of fresh air. I feel it there somewhere, but it still seems so far away all the same. I can’t really say I know what’s going on in my head as this is happening, except the thought of it merely happening none-the-less. I never would have imagined I would feel this level of tension, but maybe it’s inevitable for some who had grown old enough to be called a grown-up… old enough to finally be able to find my own way out of this mess.

And this tidal wave I speak of? Well the truth is, I’m a very shy person. Personally I never liked calling it shyness because I know I have overcome many obstacles in my life that would make me believe that I’m not. I prefer to call it a social barrier as if it’s a work in progress. I know it’s possible to overcome, unlike my arachnophobia (I strongly believe my fear of spiders will never fade, but the exciting adrenaline rush I get when I’m about ready to squish them makes me feel like a kickass ninja!)

Anyways, I can’t say my life is all that bad despite my social barriers. I do have close friends and family who’ve supported me every step of the way, but I can’t say they always take kindly to the fact I have a somewhat awkward way of communicating because of it.  I’ve always found it easier to speak my mind in writing than through verbal communication. Typing on the computer, curled up in my bed has always been one of my favorite places to get away from the world for peace-of-mind. I’ve gotten stuck in endless amounts of conversations where my entire body turns to jello. And I’m not just talking about group projects or presentations, but also daily conversations in general. Unfortunately, I even feel communicating with those I love closely and adore is even more complicated than what it appears to be. I try to hide it, but it always bites me back no matter what I decide to do in the midst of a conversation. Most of the time, my tongue ties in knots as I try to formulate the words people need to hear.  Most of all, it affects the way I feel around other people… and even the way they feel about me.

I know the facts need to be faced in order to change for the better. I’m sure there are many voices out there like my own, but no two voices are entirely the same. So why not shed some light on an issue that’s been bothering me, rather than having it scream inside of my head. I see no other option than to seek reason through numerous blog posts.

What I hope to get out of writing this blog is mainly to acknowledge how my mind thinks about my social issues and document my progress. It would also be nice to find and get to know others who may be going through similar issues. I also hope this will put me in a better mood, and keep me motivated to strive and succeed in places where I thought I could not.

All things considering, this is a personal blog. Though writing is writing, so it may even help me improve the structure of my professional written words as well!

A few more interesting facts about me:

  • I am family-oriented
  • I am a lover of many things. Some including: Graphic Design, Internet, Music, Anime/Manga, Drawing, Writing, and Reading.
  • Thoughts about the meaning of life fascinates me.
  • I love self-help books, and finding inspiration created by others.

And here are a few things you should expect to read about in future blog posts, based on my personal opinions and research:

  • Common triggers that create social challenges
  • Opinions behind society’s social norms
  • Positive ways of thinking/coping with social challenges and awkward situations
  • Daily inspirational media made by other awesome people
  • Communication between work, school, and personal life

Because of how busy school can be, I’m only going to post on this blog once every week.

See you later!