Friend Zone Alert
My most recent encounter with somebody who was infatuated with me out of pure chance came up to me. He was a kind guy, and seemed to accept the fact that I was generally a socially awkward type of person. Talking to this guy was a little out of my routine when I’m on my college campus. I liked the fact that he had a lot more to say to me than I did, for I’ve always been much more of a listener anyways. After a while of him talking, we exchanged a bit of contact information.
Later that night after the exchange, he spilled the beans, and boldly told me he had a crush on me via text.
Someone like myself who has no dating experience whatsoever, let alone being told this very often; I was nervous. Not because I shared the same feelings, but because I haven’t quite mastered the “I’d like to just be friends” response. Unfortunately after that light rejection, our friendship didn’t last very long. In fact, it only lasted about 2 weeks when I was hoping that it could have worked out between us.
Ever since High School, I was always under the assumption that being single was an okay place to be. I don’t mean okay as in “it’s horrible, lonely, and dreadful.” It’s actually okay as in a “who cares what the world thinks” kind of way. I remember having a few crushes in school, but they never lasted long for me. I never tried to get myself out there to introduce myself to any of them either when I felt that way. It was something I knew I didn’t have a whole lot of interest in except for the thought of what it would be like if I were in a relationship. I’ve always preferred to daydream about it than to go out of my way to try and be in that kind of relationship. When daydreaming, you can do whatever you want. In reality, it’s much more complicated than a friendship because this could be the person you’ll be spending the rest of your life living with. As strange as it sounds, it’s quite true. Relationships are indeed much easier in daydreams than in reality. It’s like playing The Sims; you have complete control.
Lately, it feels like most people are becoming less tolerable to the fact that they are single. It’s lonely and aggravating to be in that position, because I’m sure most people want it to have someone to hold and love… and to just hang out and be with someone.
For the past few months, I’ve had a few situations with people being infatuated with me and asking me out… because I know I have to say no even if I don’t take pleasure in other people’s sadness. It has nothing to do with the person themselves asking me out. The moment I try to lay them down lightly (and regardless of how lightly I do it), I always end up being the victim of the crime.
Suddenly, you find yourself “friend zoning” your new friend, because you said you were interested in being nothing more than that. I find that modern term of befriending someone that has a crush on you to be a very intolerable way of describing it. When I think of Friend zoning, this is what usually goes through my mind: “you made the wrong decision rejecting me, so I’m going to guilt trip you into thinking you’re wrong because I’m a good person for you… and you should think like I do, because I’m the one that’s right.”
My question is… what’s wrong with laying someone down who you can only see as a friend? Better yet… what’s the problem with friendship? It’s much better than lying and telling that person something you don’t feel at all.
I was curious about where “friend zoning” even came from, so I did a little research. In the article 6 Reasons Why Friend Zoning should die, It talks about how it came from the TV show Friends. There was an episode where “Joey refers to a lovelorn Ross as the ‘mayor of the friend zone.'” Whoever caught this term and started this trend of friend zoning… I’m very sorry you got rejected, but there’s really not much I can do about my own feelings as well as yours.
Don’t get the wrong idea, because I’ve been rejected before too. The last time being single bothered me was when I was in Middle School. I had a crush on one boy in my 6th grade class. One day, a girl in my class found out about my crush and decided to spread rumors about it to our entire class. I was at my locker when my crush found out about my feelings for him. My locker was right next to our class, and he came out of the room and immediately gave me a look of disgust without even saying a word about how he felt. After that, he never looked at me, or spoke to me again. I went home crying as I played that image in my mind over and over. I never wanted to be rejected like that again. It seems bizarre now that he reacted that way, but I assume it was because him and I were young and didn’t understand a whole lot about love back then. I’m pretty sure boys and girls still had a hard time accepting these feeling at that age.
This situation was something I learned from, which is why I always end up being friends with the people who ask me out. I don’t feel as though I should be guilt tripped for being that kind of individual when I’m not interested in relationships. That’s why I’ve always believed that being friends with someone who likes me is much better than looking at them with disgust, followed by never speaking to them again. What a horrible way to let somebody down… am I right?
At least being friends is better than nothing at all. Why not take that chance to meet the amazing person you have a crush on. And who knows, maybe all that time being their friend will make that person crush on you, within time. If it doesn’t, no big deal! At least you have met another person who enjoys nothing more than just spending time with you… maybe you were just meant to be amazing friends after all. It’s not a bad thing, because true friends always got your back… keep in mind, they’re also around when your dating relationships in the future become difficult.
If you want the best for that person, accept they just want to be friends and move on. It will make being friends with that person much easier.
I wish you the best looking for that special someone. It takes time, and time is patience and I guarantee the patience may just be worth it someday.
Don’t give up!