Over-analyzing while Socializing

A few days ago, I talked to my banker about a simple deposit I needed to make. I found it really challenging because I’m relatively new when it comes to banking. I always feel as if I’m incompetent and the banker is mindfully ridiculing me for it; but I also understand that I’m probably just over-analyzing the situation like I do for most human interactions. He could also just be confused about a few delayed responses I give him when I’m not always entirely sure what I’m doing half the time… except I know that this isn’t going as smoothly as I had hoped it would.

The problem with over-analyzing is that people like me tend to do it without any necessary reason to, except doing it our of sheer self-consciousness of what the other person thinks. I’m just itching to get through the conversation so I won’t continue to bother people in the ways I’m imagining it. I don’t like taking up people’s time when I don’t know something. Realizing this makes me understand that I need to think about this in a different light.

First of all, how do I even know this person is judging me negatively? Through facial expressions? Maybe the tone in his voice? Those things could all be a possible factor, and because those thoughts are probably locked away in his head (which he could have also talked to his fellow employees about when I leave) and the fact that this person doesn’t even know me that well, his accusations shouldn’t even matter. So why care what the person thinks, as long as they’re not speaking judgement verbally? He’s not being rude to me; in fact, it was clear that he was being very patient when he spoke regardless of what he may have thought. As I’ve said in a previous post about Judgement, we all tend to judge people, merely because we all have different opinions from one another. I know that there’s also been some instances where it seemed like someone looked at me funny, but it had nothing to do with me. It could be a problem they feel internally that involves their life outside of work, or maybe even they have social challenges they are dealing with as well. There’s really no way of knowing for sure, and it’s challenging to ask about those things when you don’t know them very well either.

Second of all, should this issue even be my problem? Unless he decided to act upon those negative feelings and decided to call me out and say “I can’t believe you don’t know anything about banking! Everyone should know about this!” then I have no reason to feel self-conscious about our transaction as long as he doesn’t act out in that aggressive manner.

Lastly, am I required to know everything about banking when communicating with someone that works there? Absolutely not! That’s why we have bankers to begin with. They’re there to help out with some of our financial needs because that’s what they specialize in. As humans, we all have the desire to help others in our own way.

Here are a few things that can help you push through situations like this that make you feel like over-analyzing:

  • Take a deep breathe. Because you are not required to know everything as a human being, you shouldn’t feel obliged to in order to help you through the conversation. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions if you don’t know about something.
  • Begin the small talk. Although I know some of you may hate it (like myself), small talk can sometimes be helpful releasing yours and the other person’s tension during the conversation. At my bank, it takes them a little while to complete the things I need from them, and I find asking about their weekend or how their day is going can sometimes end the over-analyzing in my head… and bring more kindness to the social interaction.
  • Thank them for being patient with you. You can never go wrong with a kind gesture like this. How can they think badly of you when you are only just trying to help them help you?

All the tips I provided above can be applied to anyone you may need services from in your life. So have you over-analyzed a situation before? What did they do that made you feel the need to over analyze? How did you handle it? I would love to hear your feedback!